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Paint it Pink header image 1

Lose the pineapple, get more ruffles

February 7th, 2010 · 58 Kommentare

This year I’ve been rather unexcited by bollywood - mostly due to the fact that getting films is even more of a hassle than back home and technical problems made watching DVDs a bit problematic.

Veer, however, was unmissable - Heroic!Salman, pretty songs, a plot that screams “Dishoom!” and promos that seemed about as historically coherent as Dharam-Veer promised just the right kind of entertainment to give me a much needed dose of masala goodness.

Heroic!Salman and his heroic hero glower of heroicness!


Did the film keep this promise? Well, partly. Parts of it were terribly entertaining, other parts just terribly cringeworthy.
The entertainment stems mainly from watching Mithun, who is probably the best actor in the whole thing, and Salman, who occasionally manages to be quite heroic and charming, the pretty sets, the music and from the mostly unintentional comedy - the tigery growl of awesome, Salmans first close up having him lick blood off his fingers, the awful “british” accents1 and the 80s look of the whole thing. Also - Salman lives up to his reputation that he is too … something for his shirt and decides to do without one for much of the film.

This is Sparta! And Spartans don't need shirts!

“But what about the cringeworthiness?” I hear2 you ask. I have one word for you: Sohail.
There are some actors that instantly make a film so much more enjoyable when they appear3 - Aftab Shivdasani, Boman Irani, Laxmi Chayya, Bob Christo, Pran, Lilette Dubey, Nana Patekar, Rahul Khanna4 just to name a few. Sohail Khan is the exact opposite of that. The moment he appears on screen in anything, my interest in a film instantly flees the scene. When he appears and has a pineapple stuck to his butt? I’d rather do my laundry. Clean the bathtub. Do the dishes. Write applications. Plan lessons. You get my drift - it’s painful to watch. And yes, I know, I should have expected him, after all it is his big brother’s film. Thankfully they go easy on the embarrassingly bad comic relief and he is the silent sidekick for most of the film.
“But”, I hear you say again,5”he can’t be bad enough to ruin the film!” And you’re right, he isn’t. So why did I not enjoy it as much as I should have?
It’s the ruffles. Or rather the lack of ruffles. For a film that cheerfully chooses to ignore any historical accuracy it sadly lacks the ruffly madness of Dharam-Veer or similar films. And that is not only true about the costumes, which are random and lackluster when they should be awesomely demented, but about the whole film - there are so many things that could be awesome and fun and entertaining but are not because for some reason you get the feeling that it’s supposed to be Serious and Important and Historical. And in the process of trying for the seriousness the fun got lost.
Not one of the actors seems to enjoy himself - not even Jackie Shroff who plays a villain with a GOLDEN HAND OF BLING and in an ideal universe would be doing the whole “Mogambo khush hua”6 thing but instead seems almost bored with the role. Katarina Kaif Zarine Khan’s character could be quite kickass but instead she gets hardly anything to do except for being pretty and oggling Salman.

Bling!

Bling!

And of course, Salman is way too busy being a heroic hero full of heroism and depth and conflict7 to make his character really likeable and charming. He does have his moments but they are too few to make up for the rest of the film.8
The sad thing about Veer is this - deep down the film wants desperately to be an 80s revenge film with a 70s masala vibe but the people who made it would not let it be free and fun.

The 80s - when men were men and blood was splashy!

The 80s - when men were men and blood was splashy!

2 out of 5 squashed pinapples.

  1. Where ARE these actors from? What are they trying to do? []
  2. Well, not hear precisely … []
  3. I don’t mean the big heroes here but the actors that usually appear in supporting roles and make you go all squeey when they appear on screen. []
  4. thanks to Beth for jumpstarting my brain … []
  5. I really should have my ears checked … []
  6. note to self: get Mr India DVD to Prague asap []
  7. Insert dramatic hand gesture here. []
  8. And I’m easy to please - remember Lucky? I’m probably the only person who really likes that film and that’s only because I find Salman so utterly loveable in that film that I’m willing to overlook everything else. []

Tags: masala madness · pseudoreview

58 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Beth // Feb 7, 2010 at 05:41

    “A heroic hero full of heroism” is TOTALLY what’s wrong with this movie! It just needed one of those words, not all three, thus leaving more space for ruffles. BAH what a waste.

  • 2 kaddele // Feb 7, 2010 at 10:55

    Absolutely - this film definitely needed a ruffly hero full of awesome. Salman seems to be so tense about the whole thing, that it’s almost painful to watch at times. It’s such a shame because the film could’ve been so much more fun.

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